Resolutions Smesolutions...

... As a rule I don't make 'em. They only lead to inevitable guilt when, come February 18th, you either fail miserably to give up the thing you promised to give up or start the thing you promised to start.

I have a little 'list of virtue' in my head (for little read, 'requires a length of parchment even a Hogwarts student would envy' to write down.) of things I'd like to achieve this year (any year) but if the items on this list were actual resolutions then I'd have fallen at the first hurdle.

So 2009, January 1st, start of a new year, new challenges, new horizons, or same old schitt?

Well, we started alright. I managed to wake up without the customary post NYE celebratory hangover (woo hoo) although I did consume slightly more booze than my cunning plan, swapping beer for shandy, had allowed for on account of the fact that I swapped beer for fizzy wine. Swapping one alcoholic substance for another, stronger, alcoholic substance is clearly not the best way to reduce one's unit intake.

But, I didn't clean my teeth (urgh) and remove my makeup before going to bed (at 2:30am, go me) & therefore woke up with the customary panda eyes & bog breath. So a fail on the 'improve beauty routine' list item then.

& I am just finishing off another glass of something fizzy (Prosecco) that I had to wash down the roast beef & Yorkshire pud. Another fail on the 'reduce the amount of booze I (we) drink before the bin men start sticking Alcoholics Anonymous leaflets on the recycling bin' list item. On the plus side the roast beef didn't come with all the trimmings, just mustard mash & steamed broccoli & the beef was organic & the yorkies were from scratch & so light they needed to be tied to bits of string to stop them floating away. That has to count as a brownie point on the virtue front surely? Still, give me a hour & the goodness can all be undone by scoffing down a hunk of "Dads best 18 month aged gin soaked Christmas pud" & double cream.*

Other items on this 'Mental list 'o' virtue' include:
- Reign in our spending habits & get a handle on our finances so that we are not constantly poor as church mice.
- Learn to strum more than three chords on that guitar I bought last July.
- Stop my home looking like some Dickensian junk emporium. etc etc...

Clearly, all that the above goes to show is that resolving to start anything vaguely virtuous on the first day in January of any year is doomed to failure. In fact, there is only one resolution you can make that it is perfectly sensible & appropriate to start on Jan 1st & that is to keep a diary. & Here's mine. Ta Daaaaaa!

"Huh?" you say, "What kind of nampy pamby pansyassed wishy washy resolution is that?"

Well it might seem a bit poor but I thought about all the time I spend on 'teh interwebs' posting urbane, witty, erudite missives (inane twoddle) on various (well three) message boards that occupy little dusty corners of cyberspace and shocked myself at the level of procrastination I have reached. If wasting time were an Olympic event (it can hardly be referred to as sport) I would be up there with Sir Steve Redgrave in the gold medal winning stakes. So, after the shock had worn off, (smelling salts and hot sweet tea did the trick) I decided to avail myself of the google facilities and allow my thoughts to spew forth. You never know, by the end of the year I might even end up something of use among the clutter.

So, what have we learned today, not much, except that Mr Lilgreenmomo has discovered a wonderful talent for making lighter than air Yorkshire Puddings.

Aunt Bessie eat yer heart out!

* Which actually became chocolate puddin' & custard because to 'nuke' the aforementioned Christmas pud would be sacrilege